I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
