hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
