onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
