Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
