i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my phone needs a breathalizer
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
