the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
