and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
