it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
