all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
