uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
