he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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