I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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