batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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