her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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