trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
