dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
