Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well I just put wine in my tea
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
