At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
