I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
