So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I just saw a hot homeless man
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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