wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
