R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
