someone threw a dead crab at me
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
