bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
