you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
