I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Pants are for mortals
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
