I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Houston, we have a blender
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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