I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
