do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
