I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
