Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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