k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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