as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
