Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
