Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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