its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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