My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
