I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
