I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
