I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
