I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
