I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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