Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
