I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
