I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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