david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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