i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
