Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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