He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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