when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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