I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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