Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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